WERE I GOD?

Musings of an ancient wounded healer

Were I God, I would dive
into the darkest shadows
of being human,
into profound pain,
outrageous loss,
unbearable suffering,
embracing all the tears
and the joy I could find,
and I would swim towards Light
taking with me
as much of the brokenness
everywhere and of all time
as I could gather.

Were I God I would live
in despair and in hope.
I would be
the inspiration of a poem,
the rainbow, the dew on the grass,
the color of fall, the gentle breeze,
the kind word, the tender touch,
the laughter of children.
I would abide in every flower,
every seed, every cry and sigh,
I would be the possibility of
each new moment.
I would be weakness finding strength,
never lording it over others,
but in every humble service,
pitching my tent among the poor,
preferring the outsiders.
I would nestle in vulnerability:
risking and giving Self.

Were I God I would hide
so subtly within all creation
that I could never be caught.
I would be so unutterable
as to resist being talked about,
and hate the name "God"
remembering the oppression
done in my name.

I would exist beyond any word
any symbol, any possible expression,
but I would dwell in every human groan.
I would avoid expected places:
some pulpits, rituals, churches.
I would never be snared
by theology, religion or even prayer.
No sacred book, system or creed
could capture or contain Me--
my incomprehensible
awful immensities.
I would exist solely
to be given away,
with heart not mind,
never to be comprehended or
held by safe orthodoxy:
far more verb than noun.

I would be yearning for freedom,
passion for justice,
thirsting for peace,
searching for truth, craving for affirmation,
ardor for sharing, the making of love,
and the ecstasy of surrender.
I would be in
every form of hurting
and its transcendence.
I would be gleamed
in lowly favors, generosity,
courage, simplicity, compassion
but especially
in forgiveness.

I would be aborning ever new
in the bruised and lonely heart.
I would be found more
in doubt than in certainty
more in questioning than
in righteousness.
I would need to be
intimately concealed
because the human ego
is so ready to use Me
to elevate itself
by judging others.

I would despise the use
of presumed truths about Me
to divide the human race,
for every sectarian purpose.
Were I God I would enjoy
leaving clues, riddles
and traces everywhere,
being tracked only
by valiant searchers.
I would glory in
the incompleteness
of my creatures
and all of my creation,
knowing that the human spirit
I sustain
could triumph
over any human mess
and bring love and equity
even as I do, out of chaos.
I would love

transforming futility.

I would let myself be glimpsed
in sunrises and sunsets
in the wonders of planet earth
--ship and voyager--
cosmic immensities
galaxies and darkness,
in human loving,
yearning and striving,
in quiet stillness and
becoming little
in EVERY human story.

Copyright, Paschal Bernard Baute, 1991, 1997, 1998